These relationships rarely work in the long run. There are exceptions, of course, but in my opinion, even if you're totally in love with her, this is a very, very bad idea. I feel like I had plenty of self-confidence and positive sexual awareness at that age, but I remember being attracted to other people in their mid-teens rather than older people. I can't begin to read her mind any more than the rest of the people in this thread can , but just from what you're saying, it sounds like she's not even necessarily expressing sexual interest in you.
Beyond your own attraction to her, you're also being forced to think of this in sexual or potentially-sexual terms by a few other factors the laws, the fact that her dad's a cop. I think the best thing you could do is stay her friend and give her your support and advice as she navigates the landscape of relationships and sex in college. I think it's really sad that some people in this thread are saying you can't be her platonic friend and should drop all interaction with her.
But I do think you need to consider your relationship carefully and communicate with her VERY clearly from now on. I'm in agreement with Brittanie, but for slightly different reasons. I think men have an easy time picking up younger women. Younger women, in my experience, want to learn everything that a more mature man can teach them. In the teens, a single year makes a big difference in terms of maturity.
You've gone through the experiences of living on your own, finding work, and supporting yourself financially and emotionally. A year-old still has Mommy and Daddy's support to fall back on if anything should go wrong. You're well beyond that point-- do you want to have to sneak your girlfriend out of her parent's house to stay out late?
What Is the Age of Consent?
Want to take her to get drunk with your friends? You're at different stages of life; its not to say that you can't love her or share an emotional bond, but I think it will be a fragile bond due to the difference in maturity and the barriers created by the law and social norms.
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She's probably enamored with you because you have so much more experience than her, which I entirely understand. But at some point, you'll want someone who understands your experiences and can teach you a thing or two. Its easy for older guys to pick up younger women-- but I'm not sure if they satisfy our needs.
I mean it - do not EVER let yourself be in any situation where the two of you are alone - without witnesses - in a social setting. For her protection, and for yours. No matter how honorable your intentions or hers , there may be other people who may try to turn any opportunity into a chance to "get" you. Whatever you do together, do it in public - go to the zoo, concerts, parks, etc. In your case 0.
My Son Is Dating a Minor: Should I Be Worried About the Legal Implications?
Sorry, looks like you have to wait till you're 23 and she's Yeah, I know it's not a real rule but it does have a certain intuitive appeal. B On the other hand if you can keep it non-nude for a couple of years, then that's ok too ; posted by singingfish at 5: Chiming in, blackout, you are displaying unusual wisdom by leaving this opportunity on the table for a few years. There is really no upside to having this relationship at this point. Arizona society has issued its opinion on the issue, wrong or not.
You can fight City Hall on this concept, and maybe win, but it still means a fight. Fights are costly and since the 'other guy' is much bigger, your chances are slim to none in prevailing. Its wiser to avoid a fight. What's truly remarkable about Mr. Blackout, is that you are doing it in advance! This will come in handy over the next few decades. Congratulations on making a good choice and taking care of both of you.
The "dad is a cop" angle is delightful.
Are you freaking serious? Wisdom in music yes, I know you plan to keep it non-physical: When true love knocked on my door, she'd just barely turned sixteen; And I was a little bit nervous, if you know just what I mean. But I heard somewhere that true love conquers all, and figured that was that, then I started havin' dreams 'bout bein' chased out of town wearin' nothing but my cowboy hat.
I said, "No deal We did not actually have sex, though it was very difficult. In the end, despite that she was very mature for fifteen, the age difference wound up being a problem. That little voice saying it doesn't seem right? Not too many people seem to comprehend the idea that she might actually want to have sex with you. This is a distinct possibility that complicates things further. Shame about the law, but there it is.
A friend of mine dated a girl that was under 18 in Phoenix, AZ. He was probably 19 or This was a few years back, so I don't remember exact age. But, he got consent from the parents and started dating this chick. A month down the road, he pissed the girl off, which in turn pissed off the parents and they took it to the cops. They warned him to stay away, but how could he? He already spent a month dating this chick like every day and he wanted to work things out. And you know she probably only stayed upset for like a day or two, while the parents never forgot. So while trying to work things out picking her up from school, taking her out more, etc he somehow ended up in prison for few years.
I guess the moral of the story is that parents can change their mind about consent while you too are deeply in love. Run away right now. Especially with this discussion here, now, in the public record. When I was 15 I briefly dated a guy about your age. There were upsides and downsides but ultimately it didn't work out. I couldn't go to bars with him which was a pain.
His friends' girlfriends were older and thought I was too young and weren't particilarly nice about it. He wanted to have sex and I didn't want to. In my world this was normal and in his world it totally wasn't. When I stayed out late with him it was, again, normal for him and really not normal for me. In fact, my Mom flipped out once when I came home at 3 am and threatened to have him arrested for statutory.
That fight has created a rift between us to this day my Mom and I. In the end, we broke up because I didn't want to have sex with him. In looking back at it, he was somewhat immature and generally into dating high school girls, which seemed cool to me, a high school girl, at the time, but now I'm sort of like "what was he thinking? If it were me, I'd wait and see what college brings her, assuming she'll ber more independent from her family, out on her own etc.
On the off chance that she's the one for you, she'll still be there. Do you remember the old saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? Ok, good, my work here is done for those of you who are late to the game.
Congreve posted by bilabial at 8: I know a guy who is in jail for multiple years for a consensual relationship with an underage girl she was You don't want nothin' to do with this. Be nice, but be clear that she is too young for you to date. Recommend she date some young men nearer her own age. Even without the "jailbait" angle, this guy could murder you or get a cop buddy to do it and get away with it. You could be shot while "resisting arrest" or something; not too long ago a cop in my city shot a guy in the back as he was running away "because he feared for his life". I say date her. Try to stay out of jail.
This means having a little sexual discipline, but it isn't like you can't touch each other. Try to take it very slow. She's really young and naive and her parents are divorced so she'll have some issues. This is always essential when dating. Be open and honest with yours. Having a cop in the family is always good.
What a bunch of whiners on this thread. Like age gaps never worked out in relationships. Check out the divorce rate. Being the same age never helped anyone. I agree with almost all others. Wait until she is 18 to start dating her. If you fall in love for 'er and 'er and get married, it'll be a romantic story. I would run run run run from any grown man who dated a high school girl. Sorry, there should be a sentence between sentence 2 and 3: If you don't, there are two things that will happen- you'll stay together until you die, or you'll break up.
If you fall in love A friend of mine, at the age of 22 or so, started dating a year-old. He learned the valuable lesson that if you actually have to look up statutory rape laws in your area to make sure your relationship is legal, you really shouldn't be in that relationship.
A good friend of mine discovered a beautiful girl who wanted a relationship with him He didn't let it happen They've been married over 30 years now and have raised 3 great kids. Wait it out, be a family friend or what not till then. I tried that with some one older than me once.
Turned out, I was in love and he just wanted to bang me. It is good to get perspective on intentions for all parties. Let's keep this simple. Your question was, is it okay socially and legally for you date this girl? The answer is no, and no. Just a recap of what I said before I don't intend, now, to go after some sort of relationship with her. One thing I don't understand is why love keeps coming up.
I don't know about you guys but I can't fall in love with someone after a month a month of not dating even. I've only been in one relationship before this, it lasted five years and I'm not totally sure I was in love with her, as I have nothing to compare it too. FauxScot thank you for the kind words. I do somewhat pride myself on my logical more then emotional outlook on life, and thinking things through is just something I do it's just the way I am.
Sadly I often over think things, and that as well has caused problems with past and possible relationships. I'd stay away - someone that age has so much growing to do still emotionally, and being so young, at some point she'll want to see other people - just leading to heart break. Just adding to the chorus Seriously don't do it.
Even if for some really bizarre reason her parents are fine with it, that means they're fine with it now. That doesn't mean they'll still be fine with it tomorrow or after a few weeks or after a few months. Take that thought even further, if they decide to press charges admittingly far-featched but still very possible, dad's a cop yo. You're a 21 year old man going after a 16 year old girl. Right or wrong, you have no defense.
Seriously, don't do it. Statutory rape laws are stupid and vary from state to state. What matters greatly is the circumstances, mainly whether her parent s are likely to have you busted and declared a Sex Offender or not. By the way, does it strike anybody else as stupid that consensual relations with a young woman who's legal in the next state can ruin someone's life, and that a lot of employers etc. Admittedly this sounds less likely than ruining your life by making sure you become a Registered Sex Offender, but still. My advice is don't do it because it's "wrong" it isn't or because it's illegal so's pot , but don't do it because her father is a cop.
If you do insist on being involved with her then make sure you always drive the speed limit, never drink and drive, never possess any illegal substances, try to follow the letter of every law you can think of, and let her win every argument she thinks is important.
What Is Statutory Rape?
You'd basically be mortgaging your manhood and your sanity for fear she really will "Tell Daddy on you. I was a "mature for my age" and year-old too.
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Like jessamyn, I very briefly dated a year-old with whom I broke up because I didn't want to have sex. I also dated a really, really nice guy who put the brakes on due to my age and always behaved appropriately. I remember him fondly, but while it seemed like a big deal at the time, I really just went out with him a couple of times right before I left for college. Looking back, echoing brittanie, I was more flattered by the attention than really interested. I would say that your position depends mostly on the character and disposition of the people who could pose a threat to your relationship.
As for the age difference being a problem between just you and her, I don't think it would be fair to you or her to not give the relationship a chance based on that. You'll never know if it's a deal-breaker or not unless you let the relationship run it's course. This applies to any conflict that comes up in the early parts of a relationship. I was 16 when I started by relationship with my fiance, who was In my state, the age of consent is 16, although I was 17 by the time we had intercourse.
I'm 17 right now, but will be 18 when I'm married So far my parents have taken my fiance very well, they both like him a lot and are confident he's doing his best to treat me well. His parents seem to be afraid that their son is taking advantage of a young, impressionable sixteen year old The first man I fell in love with I kept a secret the entirety of our relationship. I was 14 when it began and he was ten years older.
There were many things wrong with our relationship, but I don't feel like the age difference was one of them. Right now, I'm watching my girlfriends who are older than me make the same mistakes I did then. That's a terrible plan. Sixteen-year-old girls can appear very mature - especially when you want them to - but they're still kids. The statutory rape laws vary greatly from state to state, with more than half of the states setting the legal age of consent at 16 other states range from 14 to For the most part, there is no single age at which a person can consent to sexual activity.
Only 12 states set a specific age ranging from 16 to 18 , while in the majority of states, the age of consent depends on multiple factors, including the ages of each partner and the number of years between them.
What Do I Need to Know About Age of Consent? - Teen Health Source
The purpose behind most statutory rape laws is to punish grown adults who take sexual advantage of a minor. The following are just a few examples of Romeo and Juliet laws currently in place in the United States:. Exceptions and Other Considerations In addition to Romeo and Juliet laws, some states have specific exemptions when both parties to the sexual act are minors, or the person to be charged is legally married to the minor. However, there are still restrictions in some states about the type of sexual activity that is permissible, such as oral sex and sodomy, as well as restrictions on relationships involving a minor and a person of authority, including teachers, coaches, or tutors.
All states have special provisions if any physical force was used or serious physical injury resulted. Until recently, statutory rape laws applied only to females, ignoring situations involving sex between an adult female and underage male. Today, most laws are gender neutral, and a number of women in authority positions such as Mary Kay Letourneau, Debra Lafave, Pamela Rogers Turner, and Pamela Smart have been prosecuted for engaging in sexual relationships with younger males.
Does the Punishment Fit the Crime? While many states have strict statutory rape laws on the books, prosecutors have been inconsistent in enforcing them, says Mark Chaffin, a researcher with the National Center on the Sexual Behavior of Youth. One particularly shocking case drew international attention when year-old Georgia resident, Genarlow Wilson, was charged with aggravated child molestation and sentenced to 10 years in prison for having consensual oral sex with a year-old girl. Georgia law, which has since been changed to classify this act as a misdemeanor carrying a maximum penalty of one year in prison, also required Wilson to register as a sex offender when he was released.
Are Statutory Rape Laws Outdated? Statutory rape laws are based on the premise that although young girls may want to have sex, they may not have enough experience or discernment to make a mature, informed decision. The laws are designed to protect young people who have less information and power than their and-over counterparts.
What Do I Need to Know About Age of Consent?
For example, minors may be less likely than adults to understand sexually transmitted diseases, have access to contraception, and have the resources to raise a child if they become pregnant. Most people believe there is a clear line between young people wanting to date and have sex, and adults molesting or assaulting a child. And most would agree that the difference between intimacy and abuse should be reflected in the laws of each state. But not all parties agree on how strict the laws should be. Critics of strict statutory rape laws argue that while sexual relationships between teens relatively close in age may be morally questionable, prosecuting every case would unnecessarily clog up the justice system.
But advocates of more diligent enforcement of statutory rape laws believe that the laws help combat the often underreported and hard-to-prove sexual abuse and rape of young girls. Others add that imprisoning men who are convicted of the crime could have a significant impact on teenage pregnancy and birth rates.